And. . .it's over!

Don't be sad that I got my Ph.D. I will keep the blog going, but the name will probably change!

So, for all of you who like the gory details, here is the play by play:

10:25- Arrive at BC. Find parking on the very top of the garage at the end of the row.

10:35- The room is locked. Sign on the door is hanging by just one corner.
10:36- Go to the Dean's office to get the key, while taking down signs advertising my defense from all walls (hoping people might forget).
10:38- Unlock room where there is a buffet table of moldy food from a Friday meeting. Ewwww.
10:40- Tech guys pulls down the projection screen to reveal green marker drawn circles (woops-- guess someone thought it was a white board).
10:45- Rearrange the room, so there are no objects to trip on and everyone can see the screen (and green marker).
10:45-11:00- Waiting. One of my committee members is a tad late.
11:00-11:35- Present.
11:35-12:45- Questions and Answers
12:45- Everyone leaves the room while the committee deliberates.
12:50- The door opens and they say "Welcome, Doctor!" They then told me that they wanted to pass me with distinction and they had no revisions. None of them had ever seen a dissertation before that did not require revisions.
1:20- Bottle of champagne consumed and I was leaving BC for the LAST TIME!!!!
2:30- Larry is awarded an honorary degree.

Thank you all for your support and encouragement. It means so much to me!!!! Please keep checking the blog. . .I know I will keep writing.

Stressing

I am sooooo close! My practice run through on Tuesday was a little over the time limit. But I feel like I have made significant changes and I should be ready to go on Monday. Currently, there is a pile of questions on the kitchen table that Larry can randomly draw from. This is to help me practice "thinking on my feet." If you didn't know it, this is one of the most important skills someone with a Ph.D. can have. I need to be prepared to demonstrate my competency in this area.

My biggest worry at this point is that if I don't pass, Larry may physically harm someone at BC. We need to come up with a plan for how to get him of campus in the event that things go terribly wrong. That would be bad!

Thank you all!

T-minus 34 hours minus 3.5 hours

Update:
Top Ten Things Left to Do:
1. Check all my citations for proper punctuation. DONE
2. Write a moving concluding paragraph to inspire reader(s). DRAFTED
3. Add the date to my title page. Still don't know what "the date you receive your degree not finish your dissertation means"
4. Add a table to the methods (if there is time). There was and it looks freakin' gorgeous.
5. Deactivate spelling and grammar checks so my committee doesn't see all the frickin "passive voice" Don't dare to just yet.
6. Reread my notes from my defense to be sure I have included special little gifts for each of my committee members (per their request) in my final draft. DONE they should be very happy with all of their suggestions I took.
7. Watch last week's episode of the Bachelorette so I am ready for this Monday. NOT YET
8. Be sure that the page numbers do not start until page 4- tricky! OH yes they do!
9. Remove all notes to my self within the text that are in blue. Have to check one more time.
10. Hit send. This is terrifying me.

T-minus 34 hours. . .

I am surprisingly calm right now. I am thinking about adding an extra table because I have so much time on my hands.
Top Ten Things Left to Do:
1. Check all my citations for proper punctuation.
2. Write a moving concluding paragraph to inspire reader(s).
3. Add the date to my title page.
4. Add a table to the methods (if there is time).
5. Deactivate spelling and grammar checks so my committee doesn't see all the frickin "passive voice" I use.
6. Reread my notes from my defense to be sure I have included special little gifts for each of my committee members (per their request) in my final draft.
7. Watch last week's episode of the Bachelorette so I am ready for this Monday.
8. Be sure that the page numbers do not start until page 4- tricky!
9. Remove all notes to my self within the text that are in blue.
10. Hit send.

In a little over 48 hours I will be hitting "send." And then the wait begins. I think it is adrenaline, but I am feeling energized and motivated and ready to tackle these last few details. I can't believe I am almost done. My to-do list fits on a post-it note. This is it! I will keep you posted as the next few hours unfold.

Future plans

With the end firmly fixed on the horizon, I have started thinking about the things I am going to do with all the time on my hands after I finish my degree. I welcome suggestions, but here is the beginning of the list

Top 10 Things to Do With Free Time After Completing Dissertation:
1. Read some novels.
2. Make cute cat videos for You Tube.
3. Get my 26-year old body back.
4. Take naps.
5. Carft time.
6. Find a place to live.
7. Water the plants.
8. Play some games.
9. Watch Lifetime movies all day on a Saturday.
10. Start thinking about my next degree.

Soon to come: "Top 10 Practical Uses for the Dissertation"

Progress

I am looking forward to a productive weekend. One of the last weekends I will spend working on this. I am heading to Boston so I know I will be able to work. I just need to finish my final chapter and then do some revisions on my results chapter. I am starting to get nervous that there is more I should be including. Whenever I read something new that applies it makes me think that I have not be thorough enough. I will be glad when this is over.
I reserved a room on campus for June 9 at 4:00 to do a run through to be sure I can present everything in the time I am given. I am looking for a few volunteers to listen to me and look really mean and then ask me questions after (I will even provide the questions). It will be good practice.

Let the coutdown begin

Things are coming together. I have almost officially set my date. I am waiting for one more response from a committee member That gives me two weeks to put the finishing touches on this and to get chapter 5 in order. I feel like I have done a lot of rearranging in the past few days and that is a little scary because somehow I feel like I may have lost some things. Now I just have to work on the transitions. I want to tell the story as clearly as possible. It feels good to have a set date (although I’ve really had it in my head all along). I can’t wait to get this thing done.

Maybe it is common to start having doubts as this point in the process, but I woke up this morning feeling like I don’t have a lot to say. I know that isn’t true, I have 200 pages to prove it, but I can’t help but think that it is not what I think it is. I trust my committee chair though. She has high expectations, so I don’t think she would lead me astray.

Relief is on the horizon.

And then there was one

Today is the day. I am going to hammer out my final chapter. I am still waiting for my revisions on chapter 4, which would really help me to know where to go in the last chapter. But I'm not mad. I will just assume that it was brilliant and there was nothing wrong with it and proceed with that in mind. Just two weeks until I can breathe a little and a month until this can all be behind me. Okay, time to buckle down.
Things within arm's reach:
1. Cold can of Pepsi
2. Blackberry (in case anyone needs to call me)
3. Computer (obviously)
4. Tissues (needed them yesterday)
5. Assortment of colored pens and highlighters
6. Chapstick
7. Notes to write chapter 5
8. Fork (to poke myself in the eye)
9. I-pod (loving Adele lately)
10. Easy button

Congrats

I am trying to stay calm right now, but I am two weeks away from needing to be done. My chapter four revisions have not come back yet and I am still waiting on them to really dive into chapter 5. I am really ready for this to be over. I am feeling stretched a little thin because it is that time of year when lots of things are going on and I can't say no to any of them. Right now I am about to head over to graduation to see some of our alums get their degrees. This is such a special day for them and what an accomplishment. I am so proud of all they have done and will do. Congratulations!

Current Status

Chapters complete: 4.3333
Pages: 179
Revisions: several
Days since last email from dissertaion chair: 13
Cans of Pepsi consumed today: 2
Minutes until massage appointment: 45
Papers on the floor of office: 41
Days until the final draft is due: 19
Remaining chapters: .6666
Average hours of sleep per night: 7.5

Addicted

I am addicted to making progress. I just finished chapter 3. I know, if you have been following along that I finished chapter 4 last week. . . Well, I wrote the first three chapters before I started data collection, so now that I am done I need to go back and write what I really did (not what I planned to do). So, today I worked on my methods chapter, going back and looking at the details and writing about rigor. I am now printing a copy and heading home to edit it. I can't wait to get this thing done with. I am about a month away!!!!!!

Margins

I haven't really been too concerned with the number of pages I am writing. However, when I just went to BC's website to look up some format regulations for tables, I discovered that my top and left hand margins need to be 1.5 inches. . .it felt good to add about 10 pages to my dissertation in a matter of seconds. Woohoo.
Things are coming together nicely. The methods chapter is being revised and Chapter 4 is almost ready to be sent to my committee for more revisions. The beautiful weather in Boston today really helped to keep me positive and focused.
We just ordered some Thai food and I am having a glass of wine to celebrate. Tomorrow it is back to Maine. . .I am sad, but motivated.

Chapter 4, draft 1 complete

I finished the first draft of Chapter 4!! It feels good, but I also know that I have to do some major rearranging because the format I started out with just didn't work for the whole thing. I am meeting with R today to discuss the layout. At least the content is done and on paper. Larry and I are going to start playing around with the order of things (when he wakes up). He is a great editor and a tremendous help. I think we are going to tackle it the old fashioned way. . .I am going to print out all 67 pages and we are going to take the scissors to it. This is one project the cats can not be part of. They would just love to roll around on all those pages!
More to come later. . .

Snowfall totals

I need the snowfall total for this winter. Anyone know what it is? Anyone know where I can find it? It will add greatly to chapter 4. . .okay not so much, but there is one line where I say how much snow we were under this winter. . .could add some flavor to this dry account of my research. Help!

Finding my voice

I am plugging away at the writing of Chapter 4. It is slow, but I am making progress. I feel like my biggest challenge right now is finding my voice. In dissertation seminar we talked about writing in first person and how that is how more and more dissertations are being written. Of course this feels more natural and is much easier to write, but I feel like I am breaking rules. I just read a little of “Writing up Qualitative Research” and of course Wolcott says to use first person and set the stage with lots of thick description, but I am worried that my dissertation will be perceived as a piece of creative writing if I get too into that description. I know the style that I want to write my book in, but I'm not sure if my committee will think that style is appropriate for this piece. I think my approach is going to be to write it the way that feel natural and then go back later and change the language if needed. And then I will save all of my drafts so I can refer back to them when I am preparing the manuscript.

Words from the Wise

“Who are you who will read these words and study these photographs, and through what cause, by what chance, and for what purpose, and by what right do you qualify to, and what will you do about it.” (James Agee Let Us Now Praise Famous Men, p.9)

150 Things Not to Do At the Defense (Okay, 61 Things)

1. "Charge the mound" when a professor beans you with a high fast question.
2. Describe parts of your dissertation using interpretive dance.
3. "Musical accompaniment provided by..."
4. Stage your own death/suicide.
5. Lead the spectators in a Wave.
6. Have a sing-a-long.
7. "You call THAT a question? How the hell did they make you a professor?"
8. Have bodyguards outside the room to "discourage" certain professors from sitting in.
9. Puppet show.
10. Sell T-shirts to recoup the cost of copying, binding, etc.
11. Have a bikini-clad model be in charge of changing the overheads.
12. "Everybody rumba!!"
13. "And it would have worked if it weren't for those meddling kids..."
14. Charge a cover and check for ID.
15. Smoke machines, dramatic lighting, pyrotechnics...
16. Use a Super Soaker to point at people.
17. No show.
18. Door prizes and a raffle.
19. "Please phrase your question in the form of an answer..."
20. "And now, a word from our sponsor..."
21. Table dance (you or an exotic dancer).
22. "Yo, a smooth shout out to my homies..."
23. "I'd like to thank the Academy..."
24. Pass the collection basket.
25. Two-drink minimum.
26. Black tie only.
27. Release a flock of doves.
28. Defense by proxy.
29. "There will be a short quiz after my presentation..."
30. Food fight.
31. Challenge a professor to a duel. Slapping him with a glove is optional.
32. Halftime show.
33. Sell those big foam "We're number #1" (sic) hands.
34. Pass out souvenir matchbooks.
35. Post signs: "Due to a computer error at the Registrar's Office, the original room is not available, and the defense has been relocated to(Made-up non-existent room number)"
36. Make each professor remove an item of clothing for each question he asks.
37. Have a make-your-own-sundae table during the defense.
38. Do a soft-shoe routine.
39. Use a Greek Chorus to highlight important points.
40. "I'm sorry Professor Smith, I didn't say 'SIMON SAYS any questions?'.You're out."
41. Hold a pre-defense pep rally, complete with cheerleaders, pep band,and a bonfire.
42. Shadow puppets.
43. Put your overheads on a film strip. Designate a professor to be in charge of turning the strip when the tape recording beeps.
44. "OK, everybody - heads down on the desk until you show me you can behave."
45. Call your advisor "sweetie".
46. Have everyone pose for a group photo.
47. Instant replay.
48. Laugh maniacally.
49. Answer every question with a question.
50. Hand out 3-D glasses.
51. "I don't know - I didn't write this."
52. Before your defense, build trapdoors underneath all the seats.
53. Roll credits at the end. Include a "key grip", and a "best boy".
54. Hide.
55. "Well, I saw it on the Internet, so I figured it might be a good idea..."
56. Flash "APPLAUSE" and "LAUGHTER" signs.
57. Mosh pit.
58. Hang a sign that says "Thank you for not asking questions"
59. Swoop in with a cape and tights, Superman style.
60. Hold a raffle.
61. "You think this defense was bad? Let me read this list to show you what I COULD have done..."

The Center for Responsible Hydration

I have been drinking Defense Vitamin Water in preparation for my dissertation defense. I am hopeful that it will have a postive impact.

Calzolaio Pasta Co.

Is it Thursday again all ready? Does that mean I can avoid my work to do another thank you? Yes! Tonight I would like to thank all of my new friends at Calzolaio Pasta Co. in Wilton. This is an amazing restaurant with delicious food and wine. I have been going there on Wednesday nights for dinner and reality TV. Everyone there is so friendly and funny and they have no idea how much they have helped me through this process. It is nice to look forward to amazing food and good company every week. All you ANTM fans, please join us on Wednesday nights at 8:00. Come earlier for dinner. If you are reading this, then you might also want to come and have dinner with me and talk about my dissertation (or NOT!!!).

So thank you again CPC staff. This is a great restaurant and has become one of my favorite coping mechanisms. I think this will continue long after the degree is complete!

The Cycle Continues

Yesterday I started talking about the cycles that are prevalent in all of the contexts my study looks at. I have two more contexts to think about today: family and personal identity (self). In the family, the cycle that seemed to present itself was one of negative influences leading to negative behaviors. For some of my participants and many of the educators, it seemed like the family is very influential. It is from a young age that people begin developing their scripts, which are the cognitive structures that influence how we think the world operates. The scripts we create for how "typical life" should be will stick with us throughout development. So, if there are negative influences in the home (or low expectations), scripts are developed around these negative influences and/or low expectations. Children begin to believe that what they have experienced is the way the world works. This can be detrimental to their progress in some cases.

On a personal level there are also cycles that are hard to break. Some educators talked about the personal choices adolescents make regarding relationships and how they play out for better or worse. For example, a teen chooses a partner who is educated, then they become pregnant and have a child, then they must work to provide for the child abandoning ideas for higher education, and without education they are likely to remain in poverty. Another cycle that was emphasized by my adolescent participants was around confidence and determination. They talked about hearing from others that they can't make it and eventually believing what they are hearing and not doing what they set out to do.

Now the question: how do we interrupt these cycles to create new pathways that allow them to rise up out of poverty?

"A cycle that you really can't break"

A recurring theme in my results section is the presence of cycles. Carla is the one who pointed out to me that these are really prevalent and that they are what underlies everything. I am creating a model and basically, the underlying variables (cycles, money, and definitions of success) interact with the variables in specific contexts of the adolescent's life (family, school, rural communty, and personal identity) to yield outcomes. In quantitative terms, I am suggesting that the cycles are moderators between the contextual factors and outcomes. Of course I have no intention of quantifying these data and showing statistically how there is an interaction between these variables. However, I think I can demonstrate the same relationship with these data.

These cycles are present in each of the four contexts mentioned above. In the Rural community the most prevalent cycle is the car--> job cycle. Basically, an adolescent needs a job, but in order to get that job she needs a car, and then the job becomes necessary to afford the car and no financial progress is made because all the money earned goes directly to the car. There are also cycles that revolve around transportation related to health care. One must travel to be able to use Mainecare, but without transportation one can not get health care, and if one misses several appointments due to lack of transportation, he is no longer able to receive health care with that provider. As one of my participants said "the system doesn't acknowledge the barriers and try to develop the infrastructure to minimize the barriers." So the negative outcomes of living in poverty are perpetuated.

The cycles in the educational setting are also frustrating. Both the educators and the students talked about tracking in the schools. Essentially, low income students are more likely to be in lower tracks for academic classes (even when they match their peers academically). If low income students are placed in lower academic tracks, this impacts their academic preparedness, which in turn impacts success in higher education, which impacts persistence and attrition rates, which means they aren't completing their educations and getting out of poverty. Similarly, students who are homeless face attendance issues. Some schools have attendance policies that do not award credit to students if they miss a certain number of days of school, this means that they are not graduating, not going on to higher education, and staying in poverty.

Tomorrow I will discuss the cycles on a familial and personal level.

I Am Just a Poor Boy Though My Story's Seldom Told

A great article about chronic poverty and its effects on the brain. This is a summary of the original paper that was in this week's Proceedings on the National Academy of Sciences.

http://www.economist.com/science/displaystory.cfm?story_id=13403177

Outline Done!

I now have a working outline for Chapter 4!!! This is good news because it means I can start writing. It is overwhelming because I'm not sure that I have anything meaningful to say. I am keeping my eyes on the prize though!

Thanksgiving Thursday

I am starting a new weekly posting called "Thanksgiving Thursday." I know it is a little too soon to start thanking people (because it isn't actually over yet). However, it is time to start recognizing the people who are getting me through this. My first official thank you is going to Larry. Larry has been part of this all since I applied to doctoral programs. There have been many times when I have questioned what I am doing and doubted that I could survive some of the politics of academia. Larry has always supported me. Larry also listens to me (and engages in conversations with me) when I talk about poverty and all of the things on my mind. Without this constant dialogue, I would not have gotten to this place. I am very lucky. So, on this first Thursday of April I thank you, Larry Ronco.

Roll the credits

A huge part of research is confidentiality and protecting the identity of one's participants. I completely understand the need for this (I had an assistantship with the IRB) and I think it is very important. However, I am feeling a dilemma related to the fact that my participants said some brilliant things and I am using their words over and over again, and somehow two little quotation marks just don't seem like enough to give credit to those who provided the words and thoughts. I have so much respect and admiration for the educators whom I interviewed and the students in the groups that analyzed the data. I know it is my job to analyze, synthesize, and present the findings in a way that gives them voice and does justice to their contributions, but naming them might be important too. Here I am, asserting that the rural poor are a quieted and oppressed group that are too far away to be heard, and yet I am keeping them hidden myself. I just have to reconcile this for myself and find a way to recognize them without revealing their identities. But how do I do that?

MECA

Yesterday I presented at the Maine Counseling Association Conference in Rockport. It was a long drive for another line on my CV, but it was well worth it. I presented to a room full of guidance counselors which was a perfect audience to share my research with. Last Friday I pulled out the proposal I sent in October to present at this conference. I wanted to know what I said I would talk about. To my surprise, it was my dissertation! I started to panic. I have just started data analysis. I don't think I'm ready to make any public claims about any of my findings. So, I spent the weekend analyzing and thinking and putting together some big ideas. In the end, I think the process helped to move me forward. I definitely have some major themes in mind now and I am ready to start writing my final two chapters. Figuring out how I am going to put it all together is going to make my head hurt, but I have time to edit it. I want to thank the Maine Counseling Association for allowing me to share my research and for the warm welcome I received.

"We write our own destiny. . ."

My latest fortune: "We write our own destiny. We become what we do."

I think I am almost well again. I feel like I lost a lot of valuable time this week being sick, but I am still moving forward. Have I mentioned how amazing my research assistant is? Carla and I put in another three hour coding session this week and tackled the adolescent focus group data. Something Carla is very interested in is the presence of cycles. Obviously we know there is a cycle of poverty, but there seems to be a cyclical nature to other things related to poverty as well. The biggest one seems to be the car -->job cycle. Basically, to get a job in a rural area, a person needs a car, but soon it becomes necessary to have a job to pay for the car, and the person is right back where he or she started.

Monday I am presenting at the Maine Counseling Association Conference. I got out my proposal yesterday to put together the presentation and discovered that I am presenting my dissertation. Eeeek. Did I think I would have at least preliminary data analysis done this fall when I committed to this? Okay, don't panic. I know for a fact that I am not ready to publicly make any claims about my research findings. I am spending today doing analyses and trying to come to some conclusions. I think I am just going to focus on the data I collected from guidance counselors and triangulate those data with data from students about similar topics. That is a more manageable slice. I will keep you posted.

Young Professionals

I just want to say a special thank you to all of the student teachers who patiently listened to me today at their Professional Day. They were a gracious audience despite the fact that my voice sounded like a teenage boy and I kept coughing. The other funny thing was that the cold medicine I have been pumping into my system makes me feel a little fuzzy so sometimes I could not retrieve the words I was looking for while I was talking. I certainly didn't feel like my usual high energy self. Maybe that's good though, because I suspect I can come on a little strong at my usual energy level. I look forward to hearing feedback from the presentation and about all of the good work these student teachers are doing in the field!

The Code

So the second I proclaimed that I finished something, I got sick. I wasn't serious! It was just a small little piece done. I refuse to be a martyr though; I take cold medicine every 4 hours and switch the the night time stuff around 11:00pm. I'm not messing around with this! I may or may not have taken a nap yesterday in my office, but you gotta do what you gotta do right?



I want to give a special thank you to Carla for spending hours with me this afternoon coding the interviews. Carla is amazing and if she decides to go to graduate school and/or do research in the future, she will do great things with it. I am so glad to have her, because I can't really talk about the data with anyone else. I can talk about big ideas, but no one can actually read the transcripts (and who would want to unless money was involved). It works better for me if I can talk things through and process what I am thinking about. Hence another reason why the blog is back. Even if I am talking to myself it is good. Continue reading if you want to know about my coding process, otherwise stop here. . .I won't be mad.



Really? You want to know? Okay! Today we worked on the 13 Educator interviews. I have spent the last few days doing in vivo (line by line) coding on hard copies of the transcripts. The point of in vivo coding is not to "look" for anything, but to just see what the data tell you. So, in the margins I write notes that are in the words of the speaker. From there, we create a list of codes that represent what was most salient across all thirteen interviews. We generated a list of aproximately 15 codes. Then to increase reliability, we both coded an interview together. We read through and decided which codes went with which pieces of text. We also had to add more codes that we had fogotten to capture all of the data. We did two interviews like this to be sure that we are clear on the definition of each code and what text should be assigned to each. (Some text and be coded multiple ways).



Now we move to the software. Now, some traditional qualitative researchers say that one should not use software for data analysis. It should all be done by hand with hi-lighters and scissors and pages and pages of paper. I disagree. I use HyperResarch which is a program developed my a professor at BC. Basically it is a tool that organizes the data, it doesn't actually do any analysis. It does allow me to select portions of text and assign codes, and then go back and look at one code and see all of the realated text from all of the interviews. This feature is invaluable in the writing. I recommend HyperResearch to anyone doing qualitative data analysis. You can also use photos, video, and sound in the program. I used it on my last study and found it to be amazing.



Now I am going to memo about each code to clearly define it for future reference. Tomororw I will start assigning the codes to the interviews.

Another Step Closer

I just finished Transcribing!!!! It is such a good feeling to be done with this step. I only managed to lose one transcript in the process, which I was shockingly calm about, considering it was about 7 hours worth of typing. But the second go round allowed me to get a deeper sense of the emerging themes, so it was good for me.

I have to give a special thank you to my research assistant, Carla. She has spent many hours typing and checking and now I am ready to move on to the next phase of the research: coding the data. The part I love about transcribing is getting to hear all the paticipants' voices again and reaffirming for myself how brilliant adolescents can be. In my first study on adolescents living in rural poverty, I was amazed at how articulate and hopeful my participants were. Once again, they have put difficult constructs into words and are going to bring a voice to a marginalized population. I don't know yet how I am going to take all these rich data and synthesize them into a cohesive chapter. This will be a challenge, but I am really glad to be there!

Coping Mechanisms

As the stress level rises and the deadlines approach, I think there are some decisions that need to be made regarding the dissertator's sanity. Here are my coping mechanisms:
1. Facebook.
2. The Crackberry.
3. A good massage therapist. I go to Serenity Holistic Massage in Farmington, 779-6671. serenity@beeline-online.net. I highly recommend that everyone go (even if they aren't doing a dissertation) because Emily is amazing and you will thank yourself!
4. The animal shelter. It is a nice place to read while cats sit in your lap and let you pet them. Disclaimer: Don't wear black!
5. Befriend a bartender at a local bar and make a once a week date for dinner and a reality TV show, while editing chapters.
6. Sleeping.
7. Blogging about absurd and ridiculous things that come to mind while trying to do actual work.
8. Holding breath (not advised).
9. Eating (see previous post).
10. Daydreaming about free time and what I will do with all of it next year.

Little D

A wise woman once told me that writing my dissertation would be like having a baby. I got the metaphor, but I didn't realize that physically I would start to look that way. I am now affectionately referring to my midsection as "Little D."

Back at it

I have not been posting of late due to some technical difficulties and then just feeling that I was behind and couldn't catch up. This morning I decided that it doesn't matter and now I can use this Blog as some comic relief and a way to share this last bit of the experience with my friends and family. The past few months have had their fair share of melt downs and challenges, but I am in the home stretch. I will be defending in June and putting this all behind me. I know for a fact that I won't have time to update everyone on my progress personally, so this will be a way for people to check in if they want to and laugh with me as I push through one of the most stressful times of my life. Please check back regularly and feel free to send me comments and things to think about. I will see you at the end!

Livin' the Life

February 5, 2009
I am really trying to embrace the fact that the life I am living right now while collecting data is, in itself, data collection. Like most new researchers, I love the idea of living my research. Of being in it. I was excited when I had to drive an hour to do one interview because that is how things are in rural Maine. I thought it amusing that the road I traveled to one school was almost impassbale, thinking "no one would believe this." But then this week came and now the fun has worn off a little. I was collecting data. The group was brilliant, I left feeling great. I decided to stop at the seedy gas station in town that is famous for selling gas about 5 cents cheaper than anywhere else in central or western Maine. And because I am on a budget, I need to get cheap gas. I filled up my tank and then my car wouldn't start. Being in rural Maine and knowing no one (no social capital for me), I had to have it towed 30 miles back to Farmington (at $3 a mile after the first 5 miles). Then, I took it to the guy who has his own garage because he has the best rates (and I can't afford to have VIP figure out what is wrong with it). And he isn't open on Fridays (this was a Thursday), so he couldn't look at it until Monday. Anway, I had to reschedule my next data collection appointment because I had no way to get to the school. In the midst of all of my stress and mental break downs, I just tried to use it as research. My expeirence echoed what I have been hearing in my interviews about transportation being a barrier to so many things. I understood what it was like to be stranded, to have to bail on something at the last minute because I had no other choice, and to not get my work done because of something beyond my control. So, $500 later I am loving life again and understanding what "researcher as participant" means!